Lo don't want this way...

my bro brought me and lil bro to meet my mother in pasar malam and walked a while 
I had thought lots ... and try to change my mind well
but my bad mind is much more than my good mind
haiz.... the mind is gone wrong as I heard your sound and knew that you still haven't change at all
I really couldn't stand it anymore ... remain silent with glum face
you've brought my hope away
brought my happiness away
since I take you as my important one whom I just want you be better than ever
but you didn't hear me cry out 
you didn't take my words into your heart
disappointed
though I had walked a while , but I feel it's heavy for me , it's struggled me 
I couldn't bear it , and asked my dear friend to give me jokes msg
this friend indeed helped my lots but let me don't have gut to see her later messages at that moments
scared my tears being start on spot
friend arh , I really appreciate your care and concern...I found toilet is the best place to see your messges
I had been endured and depressed myself le ... it burst at once ...
my dear 2nd bro sure saw my emo just now
and asked me what's wrong with me there
pasar malam is not suitable place for chatting la x[
I chose to remain silent 
as we were eating dinner , my bro suddenly pressed my fringe and say it's long enough for me and laughed at me
I know you want me be happy a bit in front of everyone
I had tried my very best to smile 
I think only bro and mum could tell it was a fake smile
don't know what else can I say , what help can I give to this family
fresh air needed
tranquil space needed
a big big smile needed
hey , Lo yee teng , I want you to be calm , don't emo anymore
let it be~ 
but it would stay in my heart if you still be like that ... feeling not well with the thorn
bro , help me la.... I don't want to see the future look if it get worsen ...
pray for the better tomorrow !!!
like the granny , I want to be strong enough to meet this challenge